Based on the recent article that has just appeared in the Toronto Star under the heading “Get pedestrians off Toronto roads . . .” (goo.gl/ZPRDZp). World Streets would like to express our great admiration of our gentle northern brothers and sisters, Faced with these unnecessary dangers on the road, we have been led to understand that the government and an alliance of all major political parties of the lovely city of Toronto is giving serious consideration to requiring Universal Walking Licenses for all. These would be issued only to people who have satisfactorily completed course work and dress classes in the Toronto Walking Academies and who have passed rigorous final public tests on the street with Toronto’s Finest.
No license, no street
Thus, as we understand it, anyone who appears on your streets or sidewalks must be able at all time to show proof that they hold a UWL and are qualified to walk safely, or be subject to immediate fines, and eventually to a stay in the Canadian slammer.
In addition to being able to show proof of demonstrated pedestrian competence, they must in the interest of safety wear appropriate and properly fitted helmets and luminescent vests on the outer layer of their clothes to ensure visibility. The toes and heels of the ped’s shoes must be equipped with reflectors that are kept clean in all Toronto seasons.
The first offence for unlawful walking will be fifty of your Canadian dollars, payable on the spot. Second offenders one hundred dollars. Third offenders will be incarcerated and while in prison will be required to attend certified walking classes in the hope that they will be able to lead normal lives when eventually released and set on the city streets. They will not be released until they have demonstrated full competence on mock-up Canadian streets tobe laid out in the prison courtyards (see illustration for example).
This may seem harsh but strikes us as a necessary step in road safety and will surely help make the world– and Canada — a better and safer place to live and walk on.
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